The fans are going to go fucking insane when he pops on screen in a red, yellow and green colour-block sweatshirt and, to his horror, blue skinny jeans. Bake Off has an aesthetic – we all have to wear colourful clothes – but Jimmy just doesn’t seem like Jimmy when he’s not wearing black, or at the very least grey. I have to cram my lips shut to stop myself laughing. He’s wearing the brightest clothing I have ever seen him wear. She smiles back, twirls her hair, and goes to continue speaking, but that’s when Jimmy emerges from the changing room and says. “I know right,” I reply, flashing a smile at her. She’s hot in a kind of very-physically-fit, probably-has-had-facial-surgery sort of way, so that checks out. I think this woman is a former contestant from Love Island. The Bake Off tent is literally visible from the windows. We’re all in the green room – a large sitting room in the manor house of Welford Park. “Can’t believe we’re gonna get inside the Bake Off tent!” says the woman sitting opposite me. I told him this on the way there and he told me to fuck off. Let it be known that going on Celebrity Bake Off was absolutely Rowan’s idea, not mine or Jimmy’s, so when Rowan inevitably has a meltdown halfway through trying to make puff pastry, he only has himself to blame. This story is not necessarily canon, but would occur – I think – about eight months before the events of IWBFT. This is a small, silly spin-off story about characters from I Was Born for This, written as a treat for readers in March 2020.

I was born for this oseman